Potential Rapists All Are We?
by Eli
i’ve stumbled on to something a little bit different this time. usually i’m up here with a pretty damn good idea about why something is ridiculous, but today is not one of those days, unfortunately. i’m here with something new, let me know what you think.
first, a story: here’s what’s happened so far…
we all (me, ty, drew, meredith, the girls, peter) went out to the bars the other night looking for love. cupids arrow found one of our fellowship as tyler was struck by the love bug. he was casually getting himself a drink at the bar in The Upstairs Pub when he was sidled by an attractive pair of drunken queens. he just couldn’t stop talking, so we had to leave them alone. that was the last that we saw of tyler that night.
the next morning we discovered, much to our chagrin, that tyler had been out wooing until 4am. we couldn’t believe it, and we asked him what happened. as it turns out, these ladies thought tyler was hilarious. they were laughing so much that they both simultaneously pissed themselves, and at that point tyler left.
the following day, tyler decided that he was gonna call one of the girls (jen) to see if she wanted to watch a movie. he was little embarrassed at first to be so blunt, but, hey, you are what you smoke, right? anyhoo, it worked, and jen most definitely wanted to hang out, so much so that she and ty put in Harold and Kumar Go to WhiteCastle and laughed themselves into a smoochable frenzy. domeless, tyler returned home in the wee morning hours wanting more and was rewarded with a phone call that very evening from jen.
then, shit gets ridiculous.
throwing caution to the wind, tyler lets down all inhibition and invites this girl over to “hangout” and possibly “walk in the park.” it is as this point that jen gets a little uncomfortable with the situation. she lets tyler know that she “doesn’t really know him that well,” but she’d like to head out to kirkwood instead.
now, before i go any further, i do understand the possibility that at some point in jen’s life she had some personal connection with abuse. that close connection then is making her weary now. if that is the case, then i am being ridiculous, and i am sorry for that. also, it is possible that she is familiar with the term “walking in the park” only as a euphamism for “rape viciously,” in which case i am also very sorry. in my defense, however, my lexicon is without such slang terms. honest mistake, and i apologize. shall we continue?
so as i understand it, this is what’s happened so far: jen first met tyler at a bar, they talked for quite a while wandering to other bars, they walked back to ty’s place and then to her place, all the while with her friend as a safeguard. from here, tyler feels he has established enough with this girl, and so he makes his move: he calls her to see if she wants to watch a movie. she happily accepts said invitation, and invites him into her home for what quickly escalated into some PG-13-style adult situations.
at this point, we reach the icing on the cake. tyler receives an unsolicited phone call from our jen to go out that evening and do “something” together. here tyler “oversteps his boundaries,” or “plays the rape card,” by suggesting an innocent walk; jen got a little uncomfortable with the situation.
tyler apologized for his innocent mistake immediately and they both decide to go to kirkwood instead. that seems fine, and tyler should not be upset in anyway, but is it true, that even at this point in the “relationship” she’s still not comfortable enough to literally walk in the park? am i to understand that: even after a meet-up at a bar, a hangout with friend and boy for an evening, a smooch over a movie, and a following-up-call, we are still not comfortable enough? ridiculous?
i do not fail to realize that this could be a very serious situation about which i do not wish to jump to any ridiculous conclusions. so tell me what you think: is this what guys like tyler should just expect from any girl that they might meet in the future? do they have to tip-toe around their legitimate date ideas, operating under the fear that the suggestion might cause date discomfort? or, was this girl just being a little silly?
Rape is a funny thing…that’s all I got. I just think it’s pretty funny most of the time.
BTW-Did you here that Goblet of Fire is going to be PG13, first in this series much like how Revenge of the Sith was the first PG13 in its series. Azkaban was way cool and it was only PG, this is going to take the movies to a new level. Rockin!
brandon, rape is not funny, and i’m sorry if you got that impression from my blog. now that i think about it, i’d prefer if you’d stop saying that such a thing would EVER be funny. that is all.
If you can’t laugh about rape (especially when its about Tyler) then the terrorists have truly won.
I don’t think Tyler’s situation is unusual at all, and, furthermore, I don’t think it has anything to do with rape-fear. Every time you’re in a relationship, particularly a new, potentially burgeoning one, there’s a very fragile, delicate, and often irrational, arbitrary balance between the comfort and desires of the two individuals.
To make a complex thing sound simple, this Jen was merely interested up to a certain point but not interested enough to do certain things like walk alone or go to the guy’s house. And who knows, maybe she didn’t like Tyler’s tone of voice when he suggested it–like I said, the balance is, on both individuals’ parts, arbitrary and unconscious.
Anyway, get this–a girl I’ve been on some dates with was very shy, very physically reserved. It took me about 2 weeks of solid time together before we ever kissed. But when I did it was one of the best smooching times I’ve ever known. The waiting drove me crazy and I think that in future relationships, I’ll do all I can to be a pleasure delayer intentionally, like the way that this girl forced me to be one unintentionally.
After that experience, I would not only be excited and impressed to meet a girl who moved very slowly…I believe even, if you can imagine it, I’d be turned off by one who moved fast.
andy, you and i agree on most things but in this situation i think there are a few things that still don’t add up. first and foremost, you have to consider all events that led up to this situation.
1) this relationship (tyler and jen) was not a burgeoning relationship. both parties new almost from introduction that they were both leaving town in the near future, thus leaving little future for them.
2) when tyler first asked her to watch a movie, she suggested her house and invited him there. this invitation directly led to some making out, which we can all assume that the girl wanted based on previous attitude and actions, and by the next bullet.
3) the very next day (after first makeout session) this girl called tyler and asked him if he wanted to do something. this is what i would call a BIG step in a relationship. it is the day after the first make-out, and she called him and put the ball in his court by asking him what he wanted to do.
4) i couldn’t agree more about being a pleasure delayer. i love doing that shit, but obviously this was not going to be one of those situations from the very beginning. so why (if that actually was her intension) did she make out with him once, then wait to call again to begin that plan?
obviously, relationships are crazy and weird and nothing really makes sense in them, but this was, from the beginning, a short lived “just for fun” sort of thing. if anything, those kinds of relationships are supposed to be easy ones.
I once held hands with a girl off-and-on for 12 weeks before I finally got the courage to do the honorable thing and call her parents and ask if I could pursue a “make-out”. They didn’t like the tone in my voice and I was (politely) denied although they said I could continue to buy their daughter dinners and music CD gifts. And that woman’s name is Sandra Bullock.
…AND THEN I RAPED HER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
no comment.
So, Andy and Eli have the most thought provoking comments, but Brandon’s are way funnier…maybe you could all learn a little something from each other.
God she was tight!!!!